did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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