Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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