If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
When are your genitals available?
as a side note pls kill me
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