also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
