Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize