porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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