so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
