i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
