If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
