i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
