Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
