I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
