I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
