Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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