So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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