I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
