I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
