Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
