and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
