I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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