Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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