my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
