i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
