epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
