i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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