i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
