i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
