i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
