Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
