If i come over, it means nothing
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
