Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You ruined the universe
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
