As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
