Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
