I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
