He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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