i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
