Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
