Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
this is an emotional support booty call
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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