i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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