I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
