im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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