I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
