therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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