and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
