This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
