I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
