Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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