I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
