a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
