I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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