she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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