I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
