i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
