I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize