I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
