Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
