I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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