Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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