i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
As shirtless as possible
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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