After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm always down for nudity.
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