I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
