Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
