he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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