I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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